I too think it’s a tough one. One analogy that might be useful is that of cults. There are some pretty dangerous cults out there to which, in theory, an adult should be allowed to belong because it’s their life, and if they want to kill themselves to get taken to heaven by a spaceship from another galaxy then that’s none of our business. Except that in that case, I think we would try to save those people who have basically been brainwashed. I think in a lot of polygamous communities this is precisely what’s going on. Young people are indoctrinated from birth and married off at 13 or 14. The problem, I think, is the gap here between theory and reality. In theory, three or four adults could make a rational, consentual decision to marry one another. In reality though, I think you would be hard-pressed to find a case where this is what’s going on. I think people who want to live in that kind of relationship, AND want it recognized as a marriage under law, are for the most part very religious people, who raise their kids this way from birth. I’m not sure that, in reality, “choice” enters into the equation very often.
In a sense, it’s the same reason I advocate the legalization of marijuana, but not cocaine or heroine. To me, in one case it’s clearly an issue of individual choice and freedom (for adults… we should treat joints like cigarettes in regards to minors…). In the other cases, I don’t believe that in reality “choice” can be considered an issue, as other factors (in this case addiction) mitigate that choice.

what part does freedom play here? i have argued this before with my parents, after they told me that they had had a polygamist friend (i don’t think i or my sister ever met this person)… and i have come to the conclusion that all romantic relationships are personal and unique from others. the consent part is the primary concern, and i’m dismayed that there seem to be so many ways to discount it in the law. the sovereignty of the mind should be paramount.

age barriers are the only things that i think i can get on board with. but after a certain point shouldn’t we be entitled as adults to whatever freaky relationships we choose?

I think part of the reason you can’t just “legalize it for adults” is that, technically, you don’t need to be an adult to get married (with parental consent) and the thing is, in polygamist communities you’ll get parental consent for a 16 year old to get married as a second or third wife, because her dad has four wives, and her mom is wife number four.

Shane, I certainly don’t disagree that being in a polygamist relationship can, and probably would cause a great deal of emotional damage to those involved, even consenting adults. However, the thing is, we don’t criminalize behaviour that hurts people emotionally or psychologically (well, to some extent on the extremes, like stalking, but not like this). If someone cheats on their spouse, that causes the spouse great emotional and psychological distress. But adultery’s not illegal. If you fight with your spouse a lot, that causes great emotional distress. But (non-physical) fighting with your spouse is not illegal. Plenty of people are in relationships that are bad for them, perhaps VERY bad, maybe even self-destructive. People could be driven to suicide by a terrible relationship. However the relationship is not illegal just because it’s bad. Even if it’s terrible (physical abuse, again, being another question entirely of course). All of that is not to say polygamy shouldn’t be illegal, as I said, I think it should. But not because it’s emotionally damaging.

Sorry, it don’t work. It never worked. The more people I meet the more I learn that when people are wounded emotionally, they often think what is bad for them is what is good. It happens over and over again. “Consenting” adults could simply be a mask for someone’s low self-esteem, who believes that nobody else could love them, so they have to “take what they can get”. Polygamy, no matter how weak the laws are surrounding marriage now, does bind those involved legally. We need to protect people from this - if some adults wish to arrange themselves in such an inherently unequal fashion, let them do it without official sanction or support. They do not need to be encouraged to practice this.

The problem, of course, is that in REALITY, that’s not how polygamy works. As you point out, rarely are all the participants ADULTS, let alone consenting adults, which is why polygamy needs to remain illegal. It’s one of those weird bits of law where the theoretical and the practical collide.