Harper Humour

Stephen Harper, seemingly the man without a personality, made an appearance at an annual press dinner in Ottawa last week. Here are some excerpts.

“I’ll admit I have my flaws. Even my friends tell me that I can be dismissive and insulting. But what the hell do those idiots know anyway.”

“You know, I’m constantly being called non-descript, lacking any kind of image, having no personality. And each time I respond the same way: ‘Kids, go to your room’.”

“Actually, I did hear a lot of funny things during the election. But they were mostly from my caucus.”

“Belinda gave me good advice too, but frankly I thought the beige pant suit made my butt look big.”

“I know some of you think here tonight that I am bitter of some of the campaign media coverage. But I don’t think it’s fair to describe my relationship with the media as stand-offish. I prefer the term walk-pastish, or better yet, drive-by-with-car-and-splash-with-puddlish.”

“In spite of what you may believe, I respect and support the press and it’s not just lip service. I support you financially as well. Just last week I shelled out 12 bucks to see Paparazzi. As you know, it’s the new movie about the aggressive reporter who gets killed by the celebrity he’s harassing. I wrote in our Conservative newsletter that it’s the feel-good hit of the year.”

How can you not like a guy like this?